Archive for May, 2009

Designing Women

I am sooooo happy today. I have been watching Designing Women on DVD FINALLY!!!!!

It only took them 16 years to get it out on DVD. What the fuck?!?! I heard they were arguing about the music rights and royalties or some such nonsense but come on… they would have made plenty of money on the sales a little closer to the end of the show. I went to Best Buy yesterday and they only had ONE copy. One copy? It just came out yesterday and you only have one copy? And it wasn’t even in the new section, it was just stuck on the shelf with the rest of the TV series. Oh well, Now let’s see if we get season two before 2014.

And 0n another note…   Come on people!!!!  I want the final season of Once and Again on DVD dammit. You come out with Seas0n One, then you wait like 4 years before putting out Season 2. Now it’s been 4 years and you say you have no intentions of putting out the final season? WTF? It’s only one more season. Hell just let us order it from you and you can burn em as the orders come in. I’ll take a pirated copy I don’t care. I just want to see the end of the best show EVER. Billy Campbell was such a hottie. MMMMM.

When Shaniqua’s Attack, Part 10

ouch, less puffy

ouch, less puffy

Well as you can tell I’m a little less puffy than I was when I first took the bandages off. It’s now day 9 and I should be getting the drain tube out tomorrow since I am really not draining any more fluids. I guess what’s left of the puffiness will just be absorbed by my body. Kinda gross to think about but oh well, guess it’s natural.

I’ve finally started coming to grips with the fact that I won’t get to star in “The Shaniqua Attempted Murder Trial”. It would certainly have been such a great trial and would have been covered by the press. And since I am who I am the paparazzi would have been following me around day and night. It would have been made into a Lifetime movie. Who would play me? Let’s see, Brad Pitt is the obvious choice, but I’m thinking he wouldn’t do Lifetime movies so I’d probably have to settle for someone a little more D-list. Someone like Dean Cain or John Stamos (that’s for you Dirk, wink).

When Shaniqua’s Attack, Part 9

ouch, puffy and sore

ouch, puffy and sore

So I took off the big dressing. It itched like crazy and I am so glad that it had been three days and I could finally get rid of that tape.  After cleaning the area I had to take pictures. The doctor said that I had about 150 stitches internally and 40 externally plus the 12 staples trying to keep my swollen gut from flopping out all over the floor.

I asked him about the big “yes” written on my stomach. I wondered if it was some sort of police marking or a way to identify that I was the victim of a crime for police photos. But alas, it was nothing more than some stupid legal technicality that the hospital has to do so that they are sure they are operating on the correct body part. Here’s a hint, operate on the part of the body with the huge gaping knife wound!!!

Well the drain bulb is functioning properly, letting all the excess fluids drain out of my slowly receding gut. I am very puffy and swollen and feel like I have been drinking a LOT of water and it’s just sloshing around inside me, but I am told that is normal and will go away in time. The worst part is that where the bulb enters (or exits) my stomach is very tender. It really hurts worse than the staples and stitches.

I keep having nightmares. Not the to-be-expected nightmares of someone stabbing me but nightmares that I have ripped out my drain tube in my sleep. I wake up in a panic that I am now laying in a huge pool of my own blood. It hasn’t happened of course. I did once knock the small air vent thing off of it and it dripped some blood out on to my sheets. (Which really pissed me off almost as much as being stabbed since I spent a fortune on these sheets and they don’t make them anymore. My entire bedding ensemble was equivalent to a really nice down payment on a new car). I was certainly going to make someone pay for the cost of these sheets. But who?

When Shaniqua’s Attack, Part 8

WTF? Shaniqua is dead? When? How? Where? Who? I mean, secretly I was a bit glad that she was no longer able to walk among the normal people and stab random strangers for pure fun. But at the same time I was a bit peeved that I wouldn’t get the satisfaction of seeing her go to jail for what she did to me.

Okay, yes I know I should be sad that she is dead. I SHOULD be, but I ain’t.  I am still a bit angry at the fact that simply upon hearing the news that her employment was terminated, she tried to terminate ME. So I need a little time to settle in to the fact that after a few days of what I must admit consisted of me fantasizing about the many ways that the police would track that bitch down, handcuff her, drag her into her cell where she would of course get raped by some evil butch lesbian using a broom handle  or other such item. (Yeah, I have watched a few too many women in prison movies).

To now hear that she is dead is somewhat like feeling that she has gotten away with stabbing me. I know, I know, she hasn’t gotten away with anything because she’s dead, but for real people…. SHE STABBED ME. I’M ANGRY. I’M HURTING. I’M BITTER. I WANT JUSTICE.

And now I will NEVER have it. Ever. And I can’t really express this to anyone in the real world because they just look at you like you are the most horrible person in the world for wishing bad things on this poor dead girl. Well, I just ain’t there yet.


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