Archive for December, 2008

To catch us up

Let’s see, what has happened since I last posted…

The boyfriend got hurt at work and we spent a nice early morning at the hospital getting xrays and splints. Fun fun. I had spent the evening with my friend by going to a concert. I get back to my place around 1am and get a text saying the boyfriend is hurt and needs a ride to the hospital. I rush to his work and pick him up and then drive him to the ER. Turns out it was a sprain and some tendon damage but not broken so they splint him up, give him pills and send him on his way. I bring him home with me (hehehe sneaky huh) and baby him (eg: I hand him his crutches and tell him to get a move on cause I have shopping to do) for the weekend. We have a great weekend and I don’t want it to end.

Now I have completely flipped for this guy and miss him when I’m not home. So the next weekend I was home again and we got to spend another whole weekend together at my place. Then I left for my parents home across the country. I had a great Christmas and got to visit my family but really missed the BF. So I headed home the day after xmas and tell him to get his fanny over to my home. We spend a few days cohabitating and cuddling and… well you get the idea. It’s going great and I am quite sure I’m going to end up marrying this boy.

My ex’s house is up for sale. He hasn’t owned it in a few years (since he let it get foreclosed on cause he was too busy selling coke and weed, don’t ask) but it’s a shame to see what the new owners did to it. They covered up the beautiful beamed ceilings and removed the triple glass doors (there were 5 triple glass doors and a total of  8 exterior doors) and put in FRENCH DOORS. Yes, I said FRENCH DOORS, like some 2008 remodel that wanted to “look all modern and shit”. They took out the custom 14 foot long built in sofa in the living room (that has been in the house since it was built and could have been recovered or even remade completely and not destroyed the architectural instinct of the area) and replaced it with, gulp, a sectional. They redid the kitchen, ok that was an improvement, but then the tore down the gazebo in the backyard and took out the bridge that spanned across the in-ground swimming pool. The bridge had a great waterfall built into it that would make the water fall into the pool and you could swim thru the waterfall. It was quite lovely to lay on a raft and float around. Now it looks like some sort of tract house. Oh, did I mention that the house was designed by a student of Frank Lloyd Wright following FLW’s architecture theories. Oh yeah. Now it looks like some republican’s home from Omaha or Kansas City. ugh.

Guess that’s it for now. It’s December 30th and I’m heading home to the boyfriend for New Years Eve. It’s nice to have someone to kiss this year.

Introducing JFK (not that one)

So I have a good friend named JFK (not that one). OK he’s actually my best friend. But he has a problem. See JFK (not that one) is in the “Witness Protection Program”. Except it’s not exactly like you see on TV. It does has it’s rules and JFK (not that one) is not real good with rules. So every time he fucks something up, he gets a call from the WPP people. (I don’t know who they are so I can’t really say exactly who calls him).

I will spare you the story of what got JFK (not that one) into the “program” to begin with but as you can imagine he named names and pointed fingers against people that didn’t want to be talked about or pointed at. We have been friends for over 10 years, 8 of which he has been “gone”. Of course we always find a way to communicate. We’ve found that changing screen names on a certain Internet chat company gave the anonymity (is that a word?) that we needed in order to get past the “rules”.

The freakiest thing that he does is he has the habit of “popping up” in the oddest places. We’ll talk about the fact that I’m going next week to Berlin for a job. Next thing I know I’m walking thru the hotel lobby and who do I see? JFK (not that one) of course. Then next month I am in New Orleans and I get a message at the hotel to meet JFK (not that one) at Cafe Du Monde at 6am. It’s almost as if I have my very own stalker.

So I told you that he “messes up” often. He always finds himself in hot water when he slips and shows off a certain tattoo with a certain name (his last name) and someone will ask him about it and he talks. Now this can only happen if JFK (not that one) is naked and not just naked but naked and spread eagle because of the position of the tattoo. So you can imagine when he has to call “them” and say “um, I think I may have told someone too much last night” they aren’t too happy.

It’s not like they are going to move him around every time he sluts around and opens his mouth. Because, trust me, they would have to keep his possessions on wheels and buy stock in Uhaul. The man is a bit of a mimbo. But it does apparently give “them” a little extra paperwork and research to do whenever a new person knows a little too much.

So we have decided to get the tattoo removed. I say WE because of course I will have to be there with him through all of it. Each laser treatment in that area will probably not be the easiest thing to deal with. Not so much because of the pain of the laser but the tenderness of the area later. So I’ll be there to hang out, keep up the humor level and take his mind off everything. And it will get me a free trip to _____________.  (You honestly didn’t think I was going to say it, did you?)

RuPaul’s Drag Race. Coming soon to Logo

OMG OMG OMG I can’t wait.  And by the way, is it just me or do you think RuPaul would make a much better amazon Wonder Woman than that bitch Beyonce?

 

I cant wait. Starts Feb 2 on Logo

I cant wait. Starts Feb 2 on Logo

Christmas Cheer and the case of the missing personality

I know that it’s wednesday and it’s supposed to be Political Humpday but I have a particular topic that is on my mind today and I just can’t let another 24 hours pass without getting it off my chest. Today’s topic is stupid people. You know the kind that think Betty Crocker is a real person. Mall people.

I am trying my best to get in the Christmas spirit. I swear! But having to go shoulder to shoulder with these people is just turning me into Mr. Scrooge. Yesterday for example I was at the mall in a well known hair salon trying to pick up my favorite shampoo. While I’m standing there waiting on the teenage wasteland with a pulse to get off the phone this woman (and I use the term VERY loosely) walked right in front of me, cutting between me and the counter. She immediately starts in on said Teenage Wasteland by saying things like “HELLO, HELLO, can’t you get off the phone and help a real customer? HELLO, HELLO”. Finally TW (Teenage Wasteland) can’t take the abuse and hangs up, looks at Mrs Claus (hehe) and says “Thank you for waiting so patiently, how may I help you?”

Now the conversation goes on about how she needs to get her husbands hair cut because they have a party to go to tonight and she is not taking him anywhere looking like he does now. Personally I thought her husband looked two things:  1)  HOT AS HELL and 2) pussy whipped. He was gorgeous and he had that look in his eyes like “I made a terrible mistake by saying I do and now I can’t get out of this situation without just cutting off my balls and handing them over to her”.

After TW told her that she would sign her in and it would just be a couple minutes Mrs Claus decided to start sharing the Christmas cheer that she was so full of. She stands in the middle of the salon and hollers “God, isn’t there any place to sit down in here? You would think that for charging us $20 for a haircut you could at least sit down”.

That was enough for me. I’m just fag enough to snap my fingers in some bitches face and tell her what is going to happen. So I did.

ME: “Ok, look bitch, if you would take 10 seconds to pay attention before barging your size 20 ass up to the counter you would have seen that I was here first. You cut in front of me, but being as it’s almost Christmas I decided to give you a gift of not slapping you down right then and there. Now you are fouling up the air with both your lack of adjectives and your breath which I must say smells like something has crawled inside you and died. So why don’t you take your fat ass, walk over to the chair farthest away from me and sit down before I feel the need to talk about that hideous Lane Bryant Clearance Bin outfit you undoubtedly picked up at the Goodwill right before you came to the mall today thinking that you might impress someone with your ability to match yellow and red. But all you really did was make yourself look like a big Ketchup and Mustard dispenser.”

Mrs Claus: “Oh hell no. Honey are you gonna let him talk to me like that?”

Mr Claus: “hmm hhf humph”

Yes, I am fiesty like that. Merry Christmas Stupid People of the World.

Sure, let’s hire the nutcase

After 1 day of work, a new employee has decided that talking about her 9mm is a great way to make friends. Comments such as “oh yeah, she’s gonna make me have to go get my 9mm” and “keep it up and I’ll bring my 9mm in here”. Yeah, she’s a nut job. And now everyone is afraid of having to fire her.

All I know is my supermodel butt won’t be any where NEAR her when they drop the “fired” bomb cause she gives ‘terminations’ a whole new meaning.

 

Then we also have the employee who checked herself into rehab for alcohol and pill abuse. This right after she was found with a glass of vodka at her desk.

 

Then there’s the one who didn’t show up for 2 weeks and couldn’t understand why we might have a problem. No call. No show. Just ignore us and then show up two weeks later when you feel like strolling in and perhaps we will just forget that you haven’t been here and we’ve had to cover your job responsibilities. Yeah, that’ll work.

And let’s not forget the employee who threw a stapler at a coworker. That was just a lesson in class. Ugh.

More to come later…

get to know me

Name: Tyler
Birthday: 01/1969
Birthplace: Doesn’t matter
Current Location: The midwest 
Eye Color: Hazel
Hair Color: Very dark brown
Height: 6’2″
Right Handed or Left Handed: left
Your Heritage: A lil bit of everything
The Shoes You Wore Today: Cole Haan
Your Weakness: Kryptonite. What the hell does this mean anyway? I guess my weakness would be bigger people who beat me up.
Your Fears: losing the love of my life
Your Perfect Pizza: Meat lovers
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Tone up my body
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: hehe
Thoughts First Waking Up: I love you Justin
Your Best Physical Feature: My nose
Your Bedtime: Whenever I wear out
Your Most Missed Memory: If I miss it, can it really be a memory? I haven’t lost my memory yet
Pepsi or Coke: Water
MacDonalds or Burger King: BK i guess
Single or Group Dates: a date with my baby
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: neither, water only
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: neither, Hot cocoa or apple cider
Do you Smoke: no
Do you Swear: fucking A
Do you Sing: Yes, when I clean the house
Do you Shower Daily: Yes
Have you Been in Love: I am now
Do you want to go to College: Done
Do you want to get Married: I am going to marry my baby very soon
Do you belive in yourself: Yes
Do you get Motion Sickness: Sometimes
Do you think you are Attractive: yes
Are you a Health Freak: No
Do you get along with your Parents: yes but we dont really talk about anything of any importance
Do you like Thunderstorms: Definetely
Do you play an Instrument: No, use to though.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Yes
In the past month have you Smoked:  No
In the past month have you been on Drugs: no
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Yes, the best date ever
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes, it is xmas afterall
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Not a big fan of it.
In the past month have you been on Stage: No
In the past month have you been Dumped: No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: No, it is fun though.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No
Ever been Drunk: Yes
Ever been called a Tease: No, i go thru with it.
Ever been Beaten up: No
Ever Shoplifted: No
How do you want to Die: Hit by a Sara lee truck so cheesecake in my face will be the last thing I see
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Happy and married to my baby
What country would you most like to Visit: England
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: doesn’t matter, its the person I like
Favourite Hair Color: same as above
Short or Long Hair: same as above
Height: same as above
Weight: Average, I don’t like skinny men
Best Clothing Style: Someone who keeps up with how they look.
Number of Drugs I have taken: like illegal drugs? Not telling, but none in the last ten years.
Number of CDs I own: Not many right now. I really thinned my collection. iPod rules.
Number of Piercings: none
Number of Tattoos: none, but I want one
Number of things in my Past I Regret: only one thing and only I know what it is

God! God? god

Religious? Spiritual? Spiritual but not religious? hmm

I don’t really know what I am. I hate thinking about this topic. I was raised in the Christian Church and as I grew up and subsequently came out as a gay man, my thoughts on religion changed. I felt less connected to religion as a formal place to go and study the Bible and worship. Now don’t get me wrong, I still believe in God. I just don’t know that I believe in the same God that I did when I was 9.

My belief is that God is not a person in the sky with these magical powers like Santa Clause who can tell when people are good or bad. Whatever. I think that God is ENERGY. God appears to each person the way THEY need Him to appear. Allah, Buddha, God, Jesus, whichever form He takes the basic rules are the same; BE NICE TO EACH OTHER.

Some people need him to be a white-bearded man that has total power over the universe. Some people need him to be “mother nature”, some people need him to be Buddha. He will appear to each of us in our own way. When I traveled to Rome and visited The Vatican, I took a tour of the Sistine Chapel. The painting on the ceiling that we all know and have seen from elementary school on was magnificent. As usual, nothing looks quite as grand as you think it will.

Our tour guide discussed with us her philosophy of the painting of God touching man. She said that this was the moment when God gave man a soul. Before this point man exsisted but was only an animal. Man didn’t have a soul which is why the Bible says God created man in his image. Meaning God gave man a soul that told him right from wrong, good from bad, and do unto others…

I kinda like that philosophy. It certainly does help explain evolution as well as creation.

Oh well, I’m sure that everyone has their own opinions and I don’t really care what you believe as long as you leave me out of it.


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